If we could build the greatest Northwestern student, this is what he or she would say.
I am a Northwestern student, often seen in the library, writing in Reference and sleeping in Periodicals. I’ve spelunked through the steam tunnels and climbed every roof from Louis to Tech. I’ve sauntered through the Shakespeare Garden in spring and rolled in the Swift Hall leaves in the fall. I’ve leapt into Lake Michigan in my birthday suit from both North and South Beaches. I’ve sprinted from Allison to the Baha'i Temple in less than five minutes and then marched through The Arch. I cooled down on my way to Norbucks. I know all of the best water fountains on campus.
I maintain perfect attendance for my weekday classes and for Saturdays at the Keg. I bleed purple. I write with fierce wit and immaculate sentence structure for major campus publications. I am a president, I am a treasurer, I am a publicist, I am HR. I invite the masses to many of my events. And all of my guests who say they are “going” actually attend.
I’ve held a 4.0 for 4.0 years. I’ve fist-bumped Morty Schapiro and play-wrestled with Burgie Howard. I’ve danced 'til my feet blistered and studied 'til my eyes watered. I’ve used electron microscopes to understand the inner workings of the nervous system, and I’ve used supercomputers and solar panels to harness the power of the yellow sun. I’ve proven theories of energy transfer in the basement of Ford after dark. And I’ve eaten 487 chicken wraps.
I won CA of the year, student leader of the year and the Mud Olympics all in one week. I volunteered in Chicago, cleaned up Evanston and rallied on campus. I am a fraternity president. I am sorority sweetheart. I wrote my thesis about my teaching colloquium while preparing for my JR. I raised the most money for Dance Marathon. And I was the best dancer.
I have held 128 pieces of chalk, gone through 28 rolls of masking tape and cut 12 stencils by hand. I have designed 315 flyers and invited friends to 402 events. I’ve designed 27 t-shirts and 11 frat tanks. I own 12. I am my own A-status group. I have spent more than $2 million of student money. I agree with Markwell. Sometimes.
I have kept in touch with my hall from freshman year. I have connections in all six colleges, five glowing teacher recommendations and over 2000 friends on Facebook. My films have won grants, festivals and even student Emmys. I have starred in Waa-Mu, produced the Dolphin Show and appeared more than a dozen times on the Shanley Stage. I’ve started my own startup. I’ve finished Arrested Development four times.
I’ve fought off muggers on Foster Street. I’ve helped out the homeless on Church Street. I’ve booked a major festival, or four. I’ve crashed a million formals. I dressed informally. I moved with NERD, rode wit Nelly and blazed with Snoop. I defended Michael Bailey. I am the best of the Midwest.
I’ve been accepted to four of the best graduate schools. I’ve been offered tens, hundreds and thousands of dollars to spin my student experiences into salaried corporate enterprise. I’ve found my dream job, tried it out, changed my mind and done it all over again. I’ve gone from days in Evanston to weeks in Chicago to months across the nation to years studying abroad across the seven seas.
But I have not yet left for the real world.