If Northwestern were Hogwarts


    Illustration by Steph Shapiro / North by Northwestern

    Hogwarts is real. It just goes by a different name these days: Northwestern. All things considered, the two schools share more in common than just the Gothic architecture of Deering Library. Take a look at what makes our beloved similar to the school of our dreams.

    The Sorting Hat

    Hogwarts has four houses. Northwestern has six undergraduate scools. Never fear, math is not needed here.

    Gryffindor: Weinberg

    Bravery and nerve. What’s more brave than taking on the Dark Lord? Majoring in philosophy, that’s what. Weinberg students possess the stones needed to commit to whatever goal they choose, which takes the most bravery of all (because art history? Really?).

    Ravenclaw: McCormick

    Intelligent and focused. The engineering students take some of the most challenging course loads on campus, so it’s not surprising McCormick would be the house that prizes learning, wisdom and intellect above all else.

    Hufflepuff: SESP, SoC, Bienen

    Hard work and fair play. You think your problem set is hard? Try learning interpretive dance numbers, mastering an instrument or teaching algebra to squirmy adolescents. They have their stuff together and no one else can do what they do.

    Slytherin: Medill

    Ambitious and cunning. Medill students are intense, very much like the Slytherins of Hogwarts. Journalists do whatever it takes to get the facts. Other students cringe in fright when a Medill kid approaches them for an interview, much like Hogwarts students fear the Slytherins.

    The Professors

    We know and love all (well, at least most) of the faculty and staff at Hogwarts and the same could be said for the faculty and staff here at Northwestern. But who is who?

    Dumbledore: Morton Schapiro

    The white-haired leaders of their respective institutions both have their own sense of style: Morty rocks the purple button-downs, and Dumbledore kills it in his half-moon spectacles.

    Hooch: Pat Fitzgerald

    Sports. Madame Hooch teaches students how to fly on broomsticks. Fitz, however, doesn’t teach any academic courses—but I wish he would teach us how to win more games.

    Pomfrey: anyone at Searle

    In an ideal world.

    McGonagall: Renee Engeln

    These two are strong female professors. Everyone loves them, and both are down-to-earth and truly in touch with the student body (literally for psychology professor Engeln because she lives in Allison).

    Snape: Gary Morson

    Hogwarts students fear Snape, but he’s actually extremely helpful. Similarly, students fear Russian literature professor Morson because he’s a philosophical genius. Also, Snape and Dumbledore often seem to butt heads, and Morty and Morson teach a class together in which they argue and even fist fight a little.

    From Castle to Campus

    Hogwarts is beautiful 24/7, 365 days of the year. Northwestern is beautiful when it’s not snowing or freezing cold or terrible. But what places do both schools share?

    Chamber of Secrets: Pancoe

    “Wait … what’s Pancoe?” Direct quote from anyone ever. What’s inside? Einstein’s.

    Dungeons: Tech

    It’s pretty self-explanatory.


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