If You Give a Republican a second chance

    In light of Mark Sanford's victory in the provisional congressional election last week, we feel that it is important to show our children (and future voters) the danger of history repeating itself. Thus, to commemorate Sanford's comeback, here is the child-friendly poem "If You Give A Republican A Second Chance." May it serve as an admonition for any future disgraced politicians.

    It's been a long and hard four years
    Since Mark Sanford went to Argentina
    But now he's settled all his affairs
    And he's engaged to Maria.

    He ran for Congress to try again,
    But found another scandal.
    He snuck into his ex-wife's house,
    It was nothing he couldn't handle.

    The people of South Carolina agreed
    And sent him back to work,
    But for Republicans like him
    Fear of trouble will always lurk.

    If you give a Republican a second chance,
    It never turns out for the best.
    Like so many that have gone before us,
    They don't stand up to the test.

    It was a full century ago
    When Teddy threw his hat into the ring.
    He'd been away for four years
    In Africa big-game hunting.

    He ran an ill-fated campaign;
    One day he even got shot.
    He gained the public's undying respect,
    But in November he still lost by a lot.

    In '52's presidential race
    Nixon took a dog named Checkers.
    Doing so was against the rules;
    It angered a lot of electors.

    But Tricky Dick went on the tube
    And said he'd keep his pet.
    The audience accepted his plea,
    And Ike kept him on the ticket.

    Fast forward now another 20 years
    And Nixon's in the White House.
    The people gave him another term
    And you all know how this turns out.

    We knew it from his younger days
    It must have been our fate.
    There's not so much of a difference
    Between a Spaniel and Watergate.

    So why do we think now
    That Mark Sanford breaks the mold?
    He's shown us plenty of mishaps;
    We don't need to be re-told.

    He might just make much-needed amends
    Now that he has a second chance.
    Let's hope he leads with truth and wit
    And keeps it in his pants...


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