Slightly crazy ways to wake yourself up in the morning

    Photo by tripplehelix on Flickr, licensed under the Creative Commons.

    There are very few good things about waking up. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve got nothing against consciousness: Most of my favorite memories and experiences happened when I was awake. But as midterms wash over us all and it seems less and less worth it to get up for anything short of Rock of Love II, finding dependable ways to wake up is crucial. And finding creative, entertaining ways to wake up is even more important. Now that “Five more minutes, Mom!” won’t help you any, these irrational and sometimes extreme alarm clocks sure will.

    Perfect for the top-bunker

    Hitting the snooze button is just too easy. The Carpet Alarm Clock has your back there. Its entirely self-contained, fuzzy-looking mat has a weight sensor that disables the alarm when you step on it with both feet, thereby proving that you have gotten out of bed. The “clock” part features a digital readout screen that lights up between your legs when you step.

    Hardcore over-sleepers can surely circumvent this system, but for someone jumping off an elevated bed (shame on you, that’s not dorm-approved) or a top bunk, the sheer effort of propelling yourself onto this rather small rug might require enough focus and finesse that you’ll be sufficiently conscious to do your chem homework or remember to put on pants.

    If a description including “pureed whimsy” gets your attention

    I honestly can offer no explanation for this alarm. It’s a fake blender that plays a series of game show jingles from the ’70s and “blends” little white balls. I can’t decide which sound would be more annoying. Anyway, it plugs into your laptop’s USB port. It concerns me that there may be some demographic out there that this is targeting.

    Because NRA members have to wake up, too

    They say the sun never sets on badass. But eventually it does, and then badass has to begrudgingly get up in the morning. That’s where this little beauty comes in. A fake handgun with a tilt sensor is attached to a spherical clock. To disable the alarm, just pick up the gun, fire off a couple rounds and pretend your next 24 hours will be as exciting as Jack Bauer’s.

    If you’re an asshole (no judgments here)

    Many people can make themselves get up really early for a cause they earnestly believe in. But what do you do if you don’t support or even care that much about anything? Cash in on the most antagonistic of wakeup calls, the Snuz’N’Luz. Choose your least favorite cause, and sync it up to your alarm clock, which is in turn linked to your bank account. The longer you snooze, the more money you lose; the clock will continue to donate money to the totally annoying victims of some disease you think is dumb or something until you wake up. According to the site, this one’s still being developed, so I guess you could just kick a puppy every morning until they get it up and running.

    For the secret agent in all of us

    This alarm clock makes me want it to be 9 a.m. on a Tuesday. The Diffuse-A-Bomb alarm clock (site in Japanese) makes every day an action movie. Three minutes before your wakeup time, a countdown will begin. Within that time frame you have to diffuse the fake bomb, which has three different-colored wires and a color-coded light panel. If you fail to diffuse the bomb in time, it will emit a loud explosion sound effect. Now if only there was some way to convince myself that lives hung in the balance over doing my homework, too…


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