Mr. Footnotes #2: Pigeon-toed stance

    Hi, readers. I know you were so eagerly waiting for this week’s study of feet, shoes and how they stand. Now, all of your hopes and dreams are realized with the brand-new Case #2.

    But, before I get into that, I need to address a few points. The professor standing in the Case #1 was not a true story—it was hypothetical. Well, maybe not. It was true, reader, and it happened to me. I embarrassed myself in front of my professor, so I really would appreciate if we dropped that subject, thank you very much.

    Also, Footnotes is my actual surname. Some of you were wondering if I am writing under a pseudonym. Rest assured, Mr. Footnotes is my proper title. My father worked for some time with editors for various Norton Critical Editons books. Because of this, in the seventies, he changed his name.

    But, the real kicker is that his first name is Reed. Let us continue.

    Photo by the author.

    Here, you have the pigeon-toed stance. It’s an ambiguous case that suggests many possible interpretations. I immediately rule out a deformed bone structure. With the support those boots provide, there is no way Case #2 is being treated by any sane podiatrist. I know, since I almost became Dr. Footnotes. Yet, that’s a story without a place in this column.

    The real purpose behind this stance is something emotional, as the heart has a direct connection to the feet. Case #2 could be a shy individual. You know, an “aw, shucks” kind of person, and this disposition is seen in the angle. You may want to watch what you say, as Case #2 will shrink back to that lonely, isolated hole of existence at the first slightly elongated pause in conversation.

    Or, the converged feet could mean something else.

    That’s right: Case #2 is ready to lay the smack down. The converged feet direct all the bodily energy forward, toward you. That “yo mamma” joke you just said probably hit a little too close to home for Case #2, so guard your eyes as your slowly back away, as sudden movements will result in swift punches.

    Either way: Proceed with caution. The pigeon-toed stance is not to be messed with. See you next week.


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