Northwestern Nookie: Clits and sex addicts

    We’re Rigo and Sara, two of SHAPE’s most enthusiastic members, here to answer your questions about sex. We aim to create a space for students to learn and become more comfortable talking about sex by allowing you to submit questions without your names or email addresses attached. We believe there’s no wrong way to have sex; nobody should be judged on their sexual lifestyle, but everyone should consider being safe towards one’s self and one’s partner. So ask us anything!

    My clitoris is not very sensitive, and I’m puzzled as to why this is, considering how many nerve endings it’s supposed to have. I know prone masturbation is harmful for guys, but is it harmful for girls? When I was really young, I invented “exercising,” where I laid on my stomach, wrapped my legs around each other and squeezed. It wasn’t really sexual, it just felt good. I don’t remember ever climaxing. Since then, I’ve added my hand to the mix, but still no luck. This summer I became sexually active, and my partner’s manual and oral stimulation did very little. I wasn’t able to climax through intercourse either. Some things felt better than others, but he usually gave up before any results. I really like sex, and I don’t mind if I can’t orgasm, but I want to make sure nothing is medically wrong with me. Do you think I should see a doctor? Or just get an industrial strength vibrator?

    Sara: It really cannot be said too much: many women struggle to have an orgasm. And if you’re stressed about orgasms, it becomes that much harder to have one. Let’s start by relieving your stress.

    Unless you’re working yourself so hard that something falls off, you cannot masturbate too much. This goes for guys and girls. Masturbation only becomes harmful if you don’t wash your hands properly or if you’re playing with yourself so often you forget class or parties or calling your mom on Sundays. If your academic and social lives are intact, masturbate as much as you want.

    Rigo: I doubt there’s anything wrong with you; but if you feel the need, go to the doctor or your gynecologist and ask him/her about the sensitivity of your clitoris just to be safe.

    Prone masturbation (masturbation while lying down on your stomach against a solid surface) is not unhealthy for girls. The only reason it’s a problem for guys is that they have a penis that sticks out and if this is pushed against a solid surface, a mattress for example, erectile dysfunction can be a serious problem in the future.

    A lot of guys will focus on getting their partner to orgasm but won’t know what to do — communicating is often the best way to get that explosion between your legs. Have you tried just enjoying the pleasure and not worrying about Big O? This may sound silly but sometimes trying to orgasm can hinder the orgasm process; just enjoy what’s going on and try not to stress.

    Sara:If none of this works, yes, go out and buy a vibrator. Early 2 Bed has a great selection, they’re super friendly, and you can get a bullet vibrator for less than $20 (this can be used alone and with your partner). I don’t think jumping straight from your hand to an industrial strength vibrator is the best idea in the world. Instead, try using a regular vibrator and working your way up to that industrial strength. Once you’ve had your first orgasm, you’ll worry less about your health. But you should still figure out how to give yourself some fun with your hand alone. That way, you can tell your partners exactly what to do to get you off. And you won’t be lost if you travel and forget your toys at home.

    My bf got me addicted to sex. How do I stop myself from thinking about it all the time?

    Rigo:I don’t often hear this problem described as being negative. You can’t put a limit on how often you think about sex, until it takes over your academic and social life. But if this is the case, and if you’re thinking about it all the time it is, then there are a few things you can do to calm yourself down:

    • Think about your family. There a few things that are a bigger buzz kill than imagining your baby bro/sis or your parents while you’re in the mood.
    • Think about an age group of people you’re not interested in. Back in middle school, I would think about an 80-year-old man when I had an unwanted chubby. Then I could proceed to the whiteboard safely.
    • Try working out more. Sex might not sound as good as sleep once you’ve worked yourself hard and are exhausted from the exercise.
    • Get a hobby. If you focus your thoughts on something you are devoted to, then sex can’t take up all of your time.

    If all this fails, I suggest scheduling a day out of the week for you and your boyfriend to just have it out. Have so much sex that you get it out of your system for the week. I also recommend changing it up after every round so that you finish completely satisfied.

    Sara:Rigo makes a good point: everyone thinks about sex. Human kind has been obsessed with what’s in our pants since Eve lost “it” to Adam. Unfortunately, we have a problem talking about sex, so it can be hard to judge whether your personal preferences are uncommon or whether you’re the only person who’s imagining your TA naked. You’re not. And if thinking about sex too often is your only problem, you’re better off than most people.

    The only cause for concern is, like any obsession, how it affects your everyday life. If your boyfriend is the only person you see anymore, that’s a problem. And if your mom has filled up your inbox with voice mails asking if you’re still alive, that’s a problem. She might call Morty out of concern for your safety. But if you’re a fully functioning student, friend, daughter/son, Greek brother or sister, then enjoy your libido.

    Click here to ask us a question!


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