Over the past few weeks, President Barack Obama has made several appointments to his Cabinet. But what if he was limited to only Northwestern figures? Here’s how NBN sees Obama’s inner circle, Northwestern style:
Secretary of State: Morton Schapiro
Okay, let’s just be honest: Ideally, Morty would be President of the United States. But if he can’t win elected office, he should at least be the highest-ranking appointed official. He has delievered many speeches for various Northwestern events and manages to be personable by making the crowd laugh. Other than his experience as president of Northwestern, Schapiro has a strong background in economics, receiving his doctorate from the University of Pennsylvania and even testifying before U.S. Senate and House committees on economic issues. With all of his experience, Schapiro will be able to work well with other countries on economic policy.
Press Secretary: Alan Cubbage
When you want information on anything Northwestern related, Cubbage is the man to contact. He'd be perfect for Obama after all the work he's done in marketing and communications for Northwestern. Specifically, Cubbage has two master's degrees, one in journalism and another in advertising, and teaches classes in public relations and integrated marketing communications. Cubbage handles media relations at Northwestern and does a great job representing the University. He simply needs to take his talents to the next level by representing the White House.
Secretary of Defense: Pat Fitzgerald
There’s nobody I trust more to protect the country from foreign threats than Coach Fitz. After serving as the Wildcat’s head coach for seven years, Coach Fitz has the strategic experience to be America’s Secretary of Defense. With the number of close games the Cardiac 'Cats had this season, Obama might be nervous from time to time. But Fitz is pretty good at pulling through in the end. After all, we won our first bowl game in 63 years under his leadership. Overall, the Secretary of Defense should be someone who is confident, a good leader, and works well under pressure. Coach Fitz fits that description perfectly.
Attorney General: Dr. Barry Coddens
The Orgo students know him best. If you haven't had class with Dr. Coddens, just know that he doesn't even need to speak to intimidate you. With a face like this, no one will mess with the law. Ever. The fear instilled by that stare is just what Obama needs for his new AG. However, in an attorney general, you also look for someone who can relate to people's problems and be sympathetic, yet forceful. According to his CTECS, Coddens is a very accessible teacher who holds several office hours and help sessions for students, showing that he does care about the people he works with. Then again, another student described Coddens as "sassy and snappy." But I guess sassiness is one way to enforce the law.
Secretary of Commerce: Willie the Wildcat
Willie the Wildcat is great with people. He spends hours posing for pictures, interacting with students, and enthusiastically cheering on the Wilcats at numerous sporting events. One of the best qualities in a businessman is someone who everyone loves. For that reason Willie would be the perfect fit for Secretary of Commerce. I can only imagine the number of connections Willie would be able to make – is there anyone who doesn't love him? Of course, Willie will have to pick up a few skills for the job, like learning how to talk. But with a little work, he'll have America out of this economic rut in no time.