Profiling politicians on MySpace

    Design by Priya Krishnakumar / North by Northwestern.

    The 2012 election saw American politicians take ample advantage of social media to help spread their messages and garner votes. But with a proliferation of official Facebook pages, Twitter accounts and YouTube channels flooding the Internet, NBN Politics wondered what political social media looked liked before the explosion of networking sites. With great pride, we present the potential MySpace proflies of prominent politicians. Now will you friend us?

    Joe Biden By Sylvan Lane

    Biden may be an old-school Washington lifer, but that didn't stop him from embracing the social media revolution at it's peak. His Top 8 would likely include his wife and two sons with the POTUS himself right at the top (because let's be real, we all put our coolest friend at the top of our Top 8). The background would be a a beautiful picture of the Capitol Building, where he served for almost four decades as a senator from Delaware and currently presides as the de facto president of the Senate.

    The most interesting part of his profile, though, is the pictures. While there are a few White House-approved portraits of Biden and some lingering campaign ads, a large portion of his photos are blacked out. What Biden may be doing in those photos are anyone's guess, but knowing Biden, it's probably a good time.  

    Mitt Romney By Preetisha Sen

    Mitt might not have a lot of Twitter followers or Facebook likes compared to Obama, but he certainly owned MySpace back in its heyday. Completely reflective of his political views, the first thing you see is red: Red background, red tie in the profile picture and, yes, text that turns red when you hover over it. Originally, Romney’s top friends consisted of his many children and grandchildren, but due to the fights it caused in the family Romney, he was forced to hide this feature.

    Unfortunately, these were the only parts of Romney’s profiles that stayed consistent – the rest was entirely dependent on how Mitt felt when he woke up each morning. His moods quickly shifted from “peachy” to “dazed” and the song could be anything from Fergie to Billy Joel. Even back in the MySpace days, Romney liked to keep the public guessing. 

    John Boehner By Ryan Milowicki

    John Boehner doesn’t take his duties lightly as Speaker of the House. Nor does he ignore the most important piece of his job: the official Speaker MySpace page. For his profile picture, he’s got a stunning shot of the majestic Ohio shoreline, as he works on maintaining that perfect tan on his home state’s finest beaches. His Top 8 is an even more important matter, as the Speaker must have the most esteemed of friend circles.

    He is contractually obligated to have four of his fellow politicians, so he half-heartedly features the following: Nancy Pelosi, so he can gloat about taking her job; Mitch McConnell, his fellow Republican Congress leader; President Obama and Joe Biden, so he can formulate new liberal jokes. As for the other four, he selected his favorite celebrities. He picked Pauly D for some pointers on his tan, novelist Nicholas Sparks for fodder to practice his crying, James Earl Jones for tips on improving his dominant voice and Joey Votto, the only other famous person from Cincinnati. All in all, this is a formidable profile for a formidable politician.

    Rahm Emanuel By Samuel Niiro

    The 55th Mayor of Chicago doesn't have time for all this social media BS. His participation in Web 2.0 only goes as far as MySpace, and that's only because he lost a bet in 2002 (Emanuel swore that a "scum-sucking bastard" like Blagojevich would be jailed before he ever got elected. Right idea, wrong order). 

    That said, his MySpace is surprisingly insightful, if outdated. His top eight friends looks like a who's who of the Democratic Party from the early 2000s: Howard Dean, Al Gore and Bill Clinton (in the first spot, because a disgraced president is still a president). Under his favorite books, he's listed Dreams From My Father, if only to promote the national profile of another Illinois politician. His favorite movie is The Godfather and his favorite TV show, like any good early 2000s liberal, is The West Wing, though he notes that the lack of profanity is "damn ridiculous."

    Oh wait, that was a parody account his staff set up. The real thing is nothing but a stream of profanity. The only blog post says "SCREW BUSH" repeated 50 times. If you took out the profanity the whole thing is probably about 100 words, tops. 

    Newt Gingrich By Quentin Heilbroner

    Newt Gingrich is a man of the future – from his obsession with space travel to his embrace of the internet, Newt’s eyes have always been firmly trained ahead of him. So naturally, Newt had a MySpace before MySpace was cool and not realizing how much the site would grow, he posted pretty much anything he wanted. Rewriting the Declaration of Independence to include a general dislike of the French, changing the national anthem to a Ted Nugent song, outlawing the entire nation of Mexico and minting a $2 trillion platinum coin to cheese off the Ruskies are only some of the ideas he has publically mused about. Two of his three wives are on his Top 8, alongside Scooter Libby, a Ronald Reagan novelty profile, Ellis the Elephant, Sheldon Adelson and another Ronald Reagan novelty profile. His moods shift from ecstatic to morose every fifteen minutes or so, and every one of his posts contain at least two links to his books on Amazon. His background is a giant American flag with Ronald Reagan’s head superimposed on it, and the only pictures he has of himself are of him with various animals, each of which he names after one of his favorite 19th Century legislators.

    He has since blocked Mitt Romney from viewing his page.


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