Reclusive student proves enough sleep is possible

    A good night's sleep will remain a dream for most college students. But there’s one member of our campus frivolous enough to call herself “Sleeping Beauty” living that dream. Anyone who calls herself a beauty is bound to bring herself lots of attention, and she does.

    She is the embodiment of every college student's dream. According to legend, she stays in her room all day and just sleeps. No one knows why. She stays in her room and only comes out about once every two weeks. The times she emerges are just as mysterious, since no one knows what she does during that time. Perhaps she is going to the bathroom, or getting some food, but no one is really sure. She doesn't do homework, she doesn't go to class and as a matter of fact, there is no real proof that she is actually enrolled in the university. But how else could she live in university housing?

    A big portion of the student body doesn't believe she exists, but there are students who are firm about her existence. North by Northwestern set out to investigate and hopefully put an end to this debate.

    "She is just some girl who dresses up in order to draw attention to herself,” said Weinberg sophomore Mulan. “The university should have known by now if there was some girl who just didn't go to class. She would be at least on probation, if not already expelled from the university." But with so many students, the school doesn't have time to track down one single student, especially if the only thing she is doing is not going to class.

    Belle, a School of Communication freshman, claims to live on the same floor as Sleeping Beauty and firmly believes she exists. “She came out of her room and walked to the same dining hall I was on my way to. I saw her swipe her Wildcard in order to get into the dining hall." But she could have just stolen another student's Wildcard.

    Psychology professor Maleficent heard of the investigation and contributed to the speculations. "Oh that girl ... She is real, unfortunately,” she said. “She never goes to my class and only shows up for my exams."

    We we asked some other students enrolled in the class to contribute. Elsa, a Medill freshman, told us, “She doesn't really go to class often, but she did show up for the midterm. She sat next to me. I saw her writing, so that means she has to exist right? A ghost can't clutch a pen." Clutching a pen is a hard thing if you are transparent, so this is a good selling point to her existence.

    Some students have more imaginative speculations. SESP freshman Ariel claims Sleeping Beauty is a ghost. "It's plain and simple. Some random ghost girl just decided to claim a dorm room. Ever since, people don't go near it, but they assume someone lives in it." The school’s age makes this a possibility.

    Professor Maleficent disagreed. "That's absurd! The school is not haunted, these students just want something to talk about. The girl is real and the attention she is getting is annoying." The professor doesn't seem to have a good relationship with the girl, mainly because of her lack of interest in the professor's class.

    Weinberg junior Jasmine disagrees with Maleficent and says this whole rumor is about psychology. "She has manifested herself in our mind. Everyone wishes to be her so much, that what we see is actually a trick played by our mind. Our high stress makes us vulnerable to mind games, and that's exactly what she is, a mind game." Midterm season is in full swing, and lack of sleep and stress usually contribute to hallucinations.

    While on the topic of midterms, Elsa had more to say. "We got our midterm grades back and I was pretty satisfied with my grade, but I am a little mad that Sleeping Beauty got a better grade than me." Who wouldn't? You spend tireless hours studying, only to find out that a student who literally does nothing gets a better grade than you. So not cool.

    Maleficent also felt frustrated. "I don't know how a student that only sleeps can pass my class,” she said. “I doubt she even studies. I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I hope she is failing her other classes. It's not fair to the other students who actually work hard for their grade." Harsh words from the professor, but she does have a point.

    Moving away from academics, a "beauty" definitely gets lots of attention from the boys, so it is no surprise that she has a boyfriend. McCormick sophomore Charming claimed to hold this position. Having an imaginary girlfriend would also be sad, so let’s hope he is telling the truth.

    "I don't see her very often because whenever I try to contact her she never replies, most likely because she is sleeping,” Charming explained. What a good girlfriend. “However, she usually has her door open, so I sometimes go into her room. My kisses always wake her up. I guess I'm just a good kisser. So if anyone wants to see proof of her existence, follow me to her room and watch me kiss her." We do not advise this, as this is kind of creepy.

    The story will for now remain a mystery. North by Northwestern will continue to investigate, asking for more testimonials and looking up university records. Whether Sleeping Beauty really does exist or not is up to the individual to decide. One thing is for sure: Everyone wishes they could be her, or at least live a day in her life. One can dream, just like she probably is right now.


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