It’s a tale as old as time: You’re in bed watching MasterChef Junior, telling yourself that it’s been a long week and you need to relax, when suddenly your phone buzzes with a text from your roommate, saying they need the room. Now. Then comes the flash of resentment. The realization that you’ve got to relocate to see which 8-year-old whips up a better crème brûlée, just so your roommate can “get some.” Un-be-lieve-able.
Before you pull a Gordon Ramsay and let loose all that pent-up anger, take a minute. Maybe this intimate inconvenience is a blessing in disguise. You know what they say: When your roommate closes the door on you so they can get laid, you have a window of time to do whatever the hell you want.
Go to Whole Foods
Do it! Spend too much money on that cold-pressed juice! Sure, it’s just fruit-sweat that’s mostly sugar and calories, but baby, you’re worth it! Also, while you’re roaming the aisles, make sure to look at the latest food trends. Who knows what’ll inspire you!
Buy yourself dinner
If you have to deal with a sock on the door, then you might as well treat yourself to an expensive dinner of whatever fine cuisine piques your fancy. Hey! Maybe even get out of Evanston, go to downtown Chicago and pull your own “restaurant takeover” like Episode 6, Season 3 of MasterChef Junior “Restaurant Takeover.”
Apply to Le Cordon Bleu
With all this extra time on your hands, why not crank out an application to the most prestigious cooking school in the world? You’ve already made it one of the best schools (some might say lucky No. 13) in the country. One more essay can’t hurt. Plus, this will no doubt solve whatever study abroad issues you’ve been having. Two escargot with one shell, as they say!
Become the best chef in your class
Pop in a DVD of Julie & Julia, sit back, and rise through the ranks. You already know what it takes to be a good student at one of the best universities in the United States, why should this université française be any different? All you need to do is prove yourself at every step. Let them know that you’re no sous chef, you are a YOU chef.
Compete on Masterchef Junior and win
You know what you have to do. You’ve been out of the room so long, it would be weird to go back. Plus, what if they’re still doin’ it? Safest bet is to follow this plan out to the end. You have the skill set. You have the motive. Now all you need to do is sharpen your knives and get the title that was rightfully yours all along.