Welcome back, ladies. Vacation’s over, and you know what that means: Forget those normal parties you went to at home with your friends from UF, ASU, or even MIT (their frat parties are totally crazy). Time to get back to the Northwestern party scene, in all of its dubious splendor.
In the spirit of the first week, we’ve got a little party game for all of you. You don’t even have to move from your chair to play this one. Just sit back and choose your own adventure.
a. Might as well talk to them for a while. They seem nice, right? Click here and chat your way to #2.
b. Say hi, but head straight for the alcohol. Priorities, guys. Click here to find a plastic cup and take it to #3.
2. Rut roh. This just might be worse than that time you ended up in an American Lit discussion section full of engineers. It shouldn’t be this hard to have a conversation! How are you going to escape before your brain shuts off?
a. Tell them you’re going to get beer and promise to come back. Don’t come back. Instead, get boozy at #3.
b. Desperately scan the room. There’s got to be someone else you know here. Mingle your way to #5.
3. The keg’s done. Awesome. You walked all 12 feet from Bobb, and this is what you get? But wait! There’s a chivalrous senior over there who seems to be friends with/hitting on your friend. He says he’s taking a few people up to his room, if you want to go. Your friend says she’s definitely going.
a. Excellent. Thank goodness for taking advantage of your friend’s good looks to hook you guys up with more alcohol. Mooch on over to to #4.
a. Take a few shots. That’s what you came up here for, right? Stumble to #6.
b. Sneak toward the semi-cute guy standing near the door. He’s got nice eyes, and he’s all alone. Slink over to Next Morning #2.
c. Tell her that you’re going back downstairs. This is lame. Take the stairs to #5.
a. Hell no. You made a vow never to go back to the Deuce after that one night in Fall Quarter. And damn it, you’re sticking to that. Head home to Next Morning #4.
b. Stay at the party. It might get better. Keep on wishin’ to #6.
c. Sure, why not? This party is going nowhere, but you’re not ready to go home. Taxi! Hey, the taxi driver’s cute… or is this a SafeRide? Wander to Next Morning #2.
6. Hey! You didn’t know that guy from your high school lived here! He says he just got home, but people are drinking in his room if you want to come. You’ve hung out a few times this year, and his friends are cool, but your roommate just texted you: apparently there’s another party at the frat next door.
a. Go with him. He’s a cool guy, and you know it’ll be a chill group of kids. Take your chances on #7.
b. Promise you’ll come… as soon as you check in with your friend. Where the hell did she go, anyway? You look, but don’t see her nearby; maybe you should be concerned. Take the search party to #8.
c. Leave for this new party. Call your roommate and tell her to let you in next door. Double back to #1.
a. This is kind of uncomfortable. You stay for a little while, but make an exit as soon as it’s not rude. Slip out to Next Morning #3.
b. Take more shots. A lot more. Maybe it’ll help you make friends. Blearily wake up to Next Morning #1.
c. Stay to hang out and drink with them. They seem cool, and he invited you up. You belong here, too. You’re bound for Next Morning #5.
a. Screw this. When other people start hooking up, that’s your sign to call it a night. You’re going home. Resign yourself to Next Morning #3.
b. Go look for that guy’s room. Maybe people are still there. Head back to #7.
c. Call your roommate. Is that party still going next door? Hope someone will let you in at #1.
The Next Morning:
- Blackout. Again. At least this time you woke up with all of your clothes on… But whose room is this? And weren’t you supposed to be in class, oh, let’s say, three hours ago?
- Blame the beer goggles. You checked on Facebook, and it was definitely the beer goggles. Just hope you don’t pass him along Sheridan on the way to class.
- You’ve got a brutal hangover, but you remember all/most of last night. Not that it’s really worth remembering.
- It’s a good thing you came home. The cops broke the party up soon after you left. It’s like New Student Week all over again. And you’re not hungover, so you can evenmake it to the gym this morning.
- Your head still hurts, but last night was a lot of fun. Congratulations! You’ve successfully navigated a night out at Northwestern without embarrassment, arrest or getting hit on by sketchy townies. Good luck repeating it next week!