Very diverse set of comrades accept University’s glorious ideology

    Storer Rowley, Director of Media Regulation for this most glorious University, announced Friday that more applications had been purged in the making of the Comrades of 2016 than had ever been purged before.

    These comrades will also be the most diverse set ever, surely evidence of the many races and classes who have accepted Northwestern’s beautiful ideology!

    In a comment of remarkable erudition, Alan Cubbage, aide to the most wondrous President, “The fact is that Northwestern University is becoming increasingly well-known.”

    Delegations from many other universities immediately praised the constitution of this great class, and agreed that Northwestern University is the greatest of all universities, and will remain so in perpetuity.


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