Sexiling 101

    College students have an infinite capacity to be clever about the most idiotic things.

    Case in point: word play. Which sloshed fraternity boy can we thank for the ingenuity of “hit it and quit it”? Of course, there’s also “Northwestern goggles,” “jungle juice” (or as I call it, “roofie colada”), and my personal favorite: “Medildo,” the artless combination of the school I pray will get me a job someday and… a dildo.

    Still, there is one phrase so pervasive in college culture that it gets its own article. Naturally, I’m referring to the “sexile.”

    Sex. Exile. Even if college kids hadn’t been kicking their roommates to the streets for centuries in order to bump uglies, they would have started upon realizing how clever this phrase is.

    Of course, when you’re the banished roommate, the humor is kind of lost on you. But never fear: Being sexiled can be a painless experience. Start with the basics:

    Am I sexiled?

    If you are asking this, chances are that you, in fact, have been sexiled. If you’re still unsure, there are a few signs. Is your door locked? Do you hear the sweet music of bed springs? Is “GETTING SOME” scrawled on the white board your parents bought you at Linens ‘n’ Things?

    According to, to sexile means “to banish a roommate from the room, dorm, or apartment for the purpose of engaging in intimate relations with one’s significant other or sex partner.”

    Maybe you’re caught off guard. Maybe you’ve done it before. Maybe you want to join in. Either way, sexiling is incredibly common among college students living in dorms. It happens. So whether you’re doing the sexiling, or getting sexiled, it’s time to learn how to live with it:

    Step Uno: Communication
    When it comes to sexiling, the earlier the notice, the better. Do not wait until the hot little number you brought back from the party is taking off his/her clothes to say, “Hey, can I have the room tonight?” This will only earn you animosity and similarly crappy treatment in the future.

    Weinberg freshman Ethan Geiling never knew when he would be sexiled when his roommate’s girlfriend was visiting.

    “This one time I just went to the bathroom, and when I came back the door was locked,” he said. “I can take a hint.”

    Let your roommate know as soon as you first get the notion that you might be getting any that night. Be polite; they pay room and board too, after all. As the potentially sexiled roommate, you do not have to agree to leave. But if you don’t, you’re just propagating the awkward, sexually-repressed yet desperate environment that is our beloved Northwestern social scene. Also, you’re a tool . Unless you have an exam the next day, or your family is coming to bring you more treasures from Linens ‘n’ Things, just go with it. You’ll get the favor returned.

    Step Dos: Develop a signal

    Most people, strangely enough, do not enjoy walking in on their roommates fornicating mere feet away from all their personal property.

    When communication fails — maybe the roommate was gone but came back — a good signal is the best backup to ensure a successful, non-scarring-of-the-retinas sexile. Many a student swear by jotting a note on their white boards before locking the door. This can be more subtle than “You are sexiled.” For example, Weinberg freshman Rav Khazai and his roommate wrote, “DNCI,” the initials for, “Do not come in.” That’s right — the cleverness doesn’t end with “Medildo.”

    Another time-tested signal is putting a tie or scrunchie on the doorknob, but you have to be careful with this one. My friend once returned a lacy tanktop I had lent to her by hanging it on the door knob, and my roommate, upon returning from class, took this to mean, “Hey, go away.” In reality, I had been facebooking like it was my job.

    Step Tres: Find a place to stay

    The considerate sexiler makes sure his or her roommate is not left in the cold to paw at the locked doors of Tech, dreaming of the couches inside. Usually friends in the hall will lend you some floor space or even a cot or a blow-up mattress. If that’s not the case, the student lounge is usually fine.

    If you are lucky enough to score a friend’s floor, be gracious. I once hosted a sexiled friend who bought my me and my roommate Godiva chocolates. He is now our hall favorite. Coincidence? I think not. Women like their chocolate. However, a simple “thanks” is usually sufficient.

    Step Cuatro: Clean up

    The sexiled roommate can probably guess what went on, but she doesn’t need a reminder in the form of your bra draped over her laptop. Pick up your clothes (and make sure your partner gets all of his or hers. It’s a cold walk of shame this time of year.).

    “I came back from a sexile once and my bed was all messed up,” said a Medill freshman, anonymous to protect her roommate.

    While you’re straightening up, Febreze a little bit. The more gracious you are, the more likely it is that your roommate won’t set your bed on fire while you sleep. And that’s a nice thing, not having your bed up in flames.

    Something to keep in mind…

    If you happen to be in a long-distance relationship, and your partner likes you enough to visit for a few days, you may find yourself in a sticky situation: You want to ravage each other like there’s no tomorrow… and your roommate wants to write his or her Lit paper and play Snood.

    It’s important not to abuse the sexile in situations like these. Pick a night or two to ask for the room, but don’t be greedy. You can’t expect someone to live out of his or her backpack for more than a day at a time. If that still doesn’t compute, refer back to comments involving bed and flames.


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