Whine Time S.1 Ep.3
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    In this week’s Whine Time, Carrie Twersky and Danielle Cohen share their thoughts on Selena Gomez and answer their first-ever advice email. Transcript below.

    Carrie Twersky: Hi, I’m Carrie.

    Dani Cohen: I’m Dani. We broke up for three hours on Saturday.

    Carrie: And this is Whine Time.

    Dani: This week, our word of the week is ugh, because it’s week eight and Dillo Day is this weekend and it’s finally nice out, so why the fuck are we still in classes?

    Carrie: Seriously! Like everyone I know is home and like embarking on summer trips and we still have so long left.

    Dani: Honestly, we would kind of be fucked if classes were over based on the fact that we were just talking about – we both literally just got internships. Thank you to our employers.

    Carrie: Love you. Please, I hope you’re not listening to this. Ok, so, first up this week is Whine About It. This week we’re talking about the one and only Selena Gomez.

    Dani: OK, I am objectively just not a Selena fan.

    Carrie: That’s fair.

    Dani: Um, I have a few reasons for this. First of all I think she preaches a lot, and I don’t really know that she’s like giving it back out. She’s always like “Be yourself! Whatever.” Have you ever rejected Photoshop? Have you ever gone out without makeup? Also, I’m just going to say the whole Weeknd thing, I’m team Bella. I think it’s because I’ve been in a long term relationship and I would be so fucking pissed if my ex-boyfriend had some girl come out to like this private party and they were all over each other. Would you not?

    Carrie: What, you mean like the Met Gala?

    Dani: Yeah.

    Carrie: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, Bella looked amazing at the Met Gala.

    Dani: Oh my God, she looked so hot.

    Carrie: And Selena looked OK.

    Dani: I think she looked really good too.

    Carrie: I didn’t like her eye makeup, it looked like she had sunburned eyelids.

    Dani: I mean they were pink though.

    Carrie: I didn’t really like them.

    Dani: I don’t really know I just feel like Selena, every time she has a boyfriend it’s like a huge fucking deal, and why do we care about her boyfriends and no one else's? Like Justin Bieber exploded with her.

    Carrie: Oh yeah that’s true.

    Dani: And then The Weeknd exploded.

    Carrie: Yeah, because that was like a young, hot music couple.

    Dani: Ok, but then why is like The Weeknd and her exploding?

    Carrie: Because that’s another young, hot music couple. It’s because she’s famous so whoever she dates is going to explode. It’s like Taylor Swift.

    Dani: No, Taylor Swift is different. If we want to talk about Taylor Swift, we can start on this, but I don’t know if you want to go on this debate with me because I really don’t like her.

    Carrie: I don’t, I really don’t. I know you’re also really anti-13 Reasons Why, and she’s behind that.

    Dani: Oh my god. I am super anti-13 Reasons Why. I think it kind of makes light of mental health, so I refuse to watch it.

    Carrie: That’s fair. I have not watched it yet. Not really boycotting, just like haven’t gotten around to it.

    Dani: I’m honestly going to watch it, if I’m being honest, because I’m interested.

    Carrie: Well, I loved the book when I was younger.

    Dani: No, I didn’t even like the book. But I’m also mad at Selena because I’ve literally been wanting to get that semicolon tattoo for so fucking long now, and she just got it in the exact spot that I wanted to get it.

    Carrie: Wait, what does that mean?

    Dani: It’s about mental health, but I have a few other reasons besides that that I want to get it. I thought it was kind of beautiful, but now it looks like I’m a fucking 13 Reasons Why fangirl.

    Carrie: Yeah, that’s so true. I don’t know, I like Selena. I mean I don’t really have that much of an opinion. I do think it’s kind of crazy that she started dating The Weeknd so soon after he broke up with Bella because I was into them together.

    Dani: Is she still friends with Gigi do we think?

    Carrie: Were they friends?

    Dani: No, yeah, that was like part of the controversy.

    Carrie: Oh, really? I didn’t even know that. Oh aren’t they both in like the squad?

    Dani: Yeah.

    Carrie: Is the squad still together?

    Dani: I fucking hate the squad, but I would still be a part of the squad if I was allowed to be.

    Carrie: Oh, obviously.

    Dani: I would be the one in the squad who was like, “Ugh, the squad is the worst. Like, I’m not even in this, like I don’t even want to be in it. I was just like opted in, but I’m not like them at all.” But I would still be part of it.

    Carrie: Oh, obviously. Yeah, you can’t like say you like being a part of the squad unless you’re Taylor Swift, and then everyone hates you.

    Dani: That’s true.

    Carrie: I also love that new Selena Gomez song.

    Dani: She reminds me of myself as a singer. Which is like – don’t laugh. Which is like, I’m totally good.

    Carrie: I’ve never heard you sing.

    Dani: I’m totally fine. I’m nothing special. I’m totally fine, I can carry a tune.

    Carrie: But it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter anymore.

    Dani: No, I know.

    Carrie: It’s all about the brand.

    Dani: But that’s what I think Selena Gomez is. Has she ever hit a high note and you’re like, “Woah!”

    Carrie: She’s not like Adele. She’s not like Ariana Grande. Ariana Grande has the most incredible voice ever.

    Dani: I followed her career since she was in 13: The Musical on Broadway.

    Carrie: I knew you were going to say that.

    Also, apparently she’s coming out with a song that’s about Justin Bieber, it’s called “Bad Liar.”

    Dani: I love Justin Bieber.

    Carrie: I’m really excited about it.

    Dani: I think he’s a douche and owns it, and that’s what I kind of think, I imagine myself like that.

    Carrie: Being a douche and owning it? I do get that. I do like Justin Bieber. Once again, don’t really have much of an opinion. I will listen to his music.

    Dani: I went to a Justin Bieber concert this summer with my 18-year-old brother and my parents.

    Carrie: That’s really weird.

    Dani: While my 13-year-old sister was at sleep away camp. I think she's [Selena's] like a big question mark in our life.

    Carrie: Honestly, I’m intrigued, I’m watching. We'll see what she does next.

    Dani: I’m not intrigued, but I’m still watching. We finally got our first email for advice!

    Carrie: Woo! OK, so, I guess I’ll just read it?

    Dani: Ok, go ahead. I purposefully didn’t read this before so when you practiced reading it before it was my first time hearing it.

    Carrie: Oh really? That’s funny.

    Dani: Yeah.

    Carrie: Okay, so. “I'm abroad in South Africa and I want to get a tattoo because my friend who went abroad to South Africa got a tattoo, and honestly, that's why I want one.” Already a little questionable. “My mom told me she's going to disown me if she finds out I’ve been tatted as she says it's against the laws of Judaism and looking approachable and not like a hoe. I still want to get one though because my friend got one. Specifically, I want to get one in white ink because those light up at bowling alleys and discos, like when you wear white shirts that light up under UV lights at bowling alleys and discos. Do I leave my family and get a ‘tramp stamp’ as my mom calls it (even though it will be on my ankle) or do I get a glowing tattoo. Also I'm not ratchet and have never even been drunk before, and I'm the type of person who can't even handle weed, so I want to get a tattoo to throw people off. That or a nipple ring. Sincerely, tryna get a tramp stamp.” Ok.

    Dani: I have a lot of thoughts about this.

    Carrie: Yeah.

    Dani: A. I think go get the tattoo because it’s like so Jewish mommy to be like, “I’m, literally going to disown you if you do this.” Nine times out of ten she doesn’t.

    Carrie: Oh, she’s obviously not going to.

    Dani: Yeah, I think she’ll be pissed for a like week, two weeks. A month if she’s like real holding a grudge. And then she’ll kind of bring it up intermittently. I can say I come from – my family is super involved in Judaism and I’ve expressed wanting to get a tattoo. My aunt has several tattoos. No one seems to have a problem with it. If they did, they’ve gotten over it. Yeah.

    Carrie: That being said, I don’t think you should get a tattoo just because your friend got one.

    Dani: But I do get wanting to get one to try to throw people off because I’m so not a tattoo person.

    Carrie: That’s so true.

    Dani: I get drunk, I drink, but I’m not a tattoo person, but I kind of want one just be like, “Yeah, you don’t know everything about me. I’m complicated.”

    Carrie: And also like, you are abroad, you’re in South Africa.

    Dani: That is really a beautiful reason to get it.

    Carrie: That’s a fun reason to get it definitely. I would never get a tattoo, but I respect…

    Dani: Really?

    Carrie: No. I respect people who do get one.

    Dani: That’s really interesting because before we were just talking about it and you said, I mean, you can correct me if I’m wrong. You said, you would consider getting a nipple ring.

    Carrie: I would totally get a nipple ring.

    Dani: But you wouldn’t get a tattoo.

    Carrie: Because I can take out a nipple ring.

    Dani: Yeah, but you’ll still have a hole in your nipple.

    Carrie: It would close up.

    Dani: Do you know that?

    Carrie: No, but I could still take it out and, okay, I would have a hole. No one would see that except for me and significant other, but a tattoo – I don’t know. Maybe I would get a tattoo, probably not, but I do respect people who get tattoos, especially if they have meaning behind it and I think that getting a tattoo when you’re abroad – I have a lot of friends that got tattoo when they were abroad and like…

    Dani: Really?

    Carrie: Yeah. So yeah, I would say do it for you if you’re going to do it. Your mom will understand if it’s meaningful to you, and go for it. Throw people off. Get a nipple ring to while you’re at it.

    Dani: I don’t think you can get both. I’m sorry.

    Carrie: Ok, so I’ll get a nipple ring and you get a tattoo.

    Dani: And if you have any problems you want us to solve email us at whinetimenbn@gmail.com. That’s whine with an “h.”

    Carrie: And we will solve them. Look how well we did with that one.

    Dani: I think we came to a really decisive conclusion.

    Carrie: I think we did a really good job. Okay, so Mother’s Day was last Sunday and we know that by the time this comes out Mother’s Day will have been long gone.

    Dani: But right now it’s Monday and we have no money of our own so this is a present to our mothers. You’re welcome.

    Carrie: We love you moms! Happy Mother’s Day! It was my mom’s birthday on Mother’s Day too, so happy birthday, Mom.

    Dani: It’s my mom’s birthday in August so happy future birthday, just re-listen to this.

    Carrie: That’s your present.

    Dani: I love you so much. Thanks for everything.

    Carrie: We love our moms and we love our mother figures.

    Dani: Shout out to Kim Kardashian-West, who keeps all of us young and mothers us on a daily basis.

    Carrie: And Kris Jenner the momager and the mom of the United States of America. I’m sorry Melania, she is the first woman in my heart. Okay, thank you guys for listening. Subscribe to us on iTunes. Rate us. We are amazing, you love us. Give us five stars. Write us a comment. We are trying to get famous, if you didn’t know.

    Dani: If you can’t tell. Follow us on Twitter at whinetimenbn. Whine with an “h,” if you didn’t already pick that up.

    Carrie: Also, email us at whinetimenbn with an “h.” Send us your advice.

    Dani: No, don’t send us your advice. Send us your problems so we can give advice.

    Carrie: Oh, true. And also, just send us topics that you want to cover. Did you hear of something and are like, “I wonder what Carrie and Dani were thinking about this?” Let us know, we will cover it.

    Dani: We are the voice of a generation.

    Carrie: Obviously.

    Dani: Now, for my mom’s advice for the week. She says, “Used this time to be a good friend and connect with your peeps. Stop being a drama queen and just try to have fun.”

    Carrie: Don’t you love when older people try to use cool terms like…

    Dani: “Peeps!”

    Carrie: Okay! Well, I’m Carrie.

    Dani: And I’m Dani.

    Both: And this is NBN Audio.

    Carrie: Yay!


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