As Block 9 began to pick up speed, dancers filed back into the tent to miserably milly-rock to Stacy’s Mom for the third time in 25 hours. In the name of intrepid journalism, NBN braved the DM tent to ask the most controversial question of them all: What song made you want to die the most?
Almost half of dancers polled hated the entirety of Block 5 (a.k.a. “Pop It, Block It, Polka Dot It”), which did not live up to its Hannah Montana inspired name.
“I was so ready for a block of Disney classics, and they did not provide what I was promised,” said one unnamed dancer, who was swaying for exhaustion as she spoke. “Instead, they played weird country really low in the background while we played a super long game of telephone.”
“Block 5 was such shit,” commented another dancer. “But what was even worse was the bizarre cover of “Santa Baby.”
The brave choice to play Christmas music in early March may seem harmless, but to some, it caused significant distress. “I thought I was hallucinating when I heard the Christmas music,” a dancer recalled. “But then everyone else looked confused as well, and I realized it was just a terrible music choice.”
While DM participants seemed united in their hatred of Christmas covers and the infamous Block 5, one DM participant had a take hotter than the disgustingly humid tent he was standing in.
“Honestly, I didn’t like the Pokemon music,” he said. It’s worth noting that this take was so brazenly unfounded that it led his friend to yell “Dude, no!” in an extremely hurt tone.
Said friend then revealed the biggest offense of all: “The real tragedy here is that they’re playing all of these mediocre songs, and I still haven’t heard Year 3000 by the Jonas Brothers. All of this other music is dogshit in comparison.”
With one block left to go, the chances of this indignity being rectified are slim. Instead, they’ll probably just play Stacy’s Mom on repeat for the last four hours because everyone is too delirious to notice.