No matter what side of the door you're on, you're fucked. (According to Anonymous Northwestern sexilees)

The Anti-Vaxxer

My roommate sexiled me one night. Normal stuff: she asked first and I slept on the couch in our house. Later, we find out he’s actually an anti-vaxxer. I haven’t been sexiled since.

The Quickie

My freshman year roommate used to sexile me with her boyfriend and would text me and ask for the room for “10-15 minutes” because “that’s all he needs.”

The Wildcat Welcome

My freshman year roommate told me one night that he was going to have a girl over. I headed out and, like any bored Northwestern sexilee, got shitfaced drunk and forgot why I had left in the first place. After enough debauchery, I stumbled back and walked right in on my roommate and his guest mid-fun. I realized she was a friend I’d made during welcome week and, drunkenly staring past their nakedness, made breakfast plans with her for the morning as I fumbled around the room. Eventually, it occurred to me that I was not welcome, so I wished my roomie a good night and spent the rest of the night on the lounge couch in just my boxers, dreaming of Allison french toast and scrambled eggs.

The Condom Detective

When I entered the room, my roommate was drunkenly searching around the room, Sherlock Holmes-style. Apparently during their “business transaction,” one of the involved parties yanked the condom off as the other was putting it on. Both were quite intoxicated and the condom was Hail Mary’d who-knows-where. There was a good chance that the jimmy hat could’ve landed in, or under, my bed. We could not find the missing condom, so we went to bed with the knowledge that the suspect was still out there. Fortunately, the next morning, my now-sober roommate found the latex Waldo under their bed. We were both quite relieved, overlooking the fact that my roommate technically slept on it for the night.

The “I Thought You Were Already Asleep”

I didn’t get sexiled, but I woke up with a naked butt in my face. Does that count?