If you're trying to fund a kombucha habit on a tight budget, you might want to find a parttime job. After all, those crème brûlée Juul pods don't pay for themselves. You could earn minimum wage by making copies for your least favorite professor or washing strangers’ smelly SPAC towels, but fortunately, there’s a third option: influencing. As a Bumble Honey or a Tik Tok campus ambassador, you can harness your clout for cold, hard cash. Ready to dive into this pyramid scheme? Take this quiz to find your ideal influencer Brand™.

You’re getting dressed for the day. You opt for:

a) Last night’s pajamas. And a Juul snapback.

b) Head-to-toe brand spankin’ new Nike (all  the same color)

c) A highly coordinated outfit straight out  of a Fashion Nova Ad

d) Skype-interview casual

You need some morning caffeine. It’s time for:

a) Monster energy, duh! And maybe a shot of 5-hour energy. And a Juul hit.

b) Unicorn frappuccino

c) Keurig donut-flavored coffee

d) Chai-mocha-lavender-Sriracha latte

Today’s classes have finally ended and you can’t wait for your evening plans:

a) A dorm room vaping session

b) A Billie Eilish concert

c) Clubbing in the Loop

d) Bar-hopping for $14 bespoke cocktails

Oof, you’ve got quite the hangover. Your cure?

a) Hair of the dog. And a Juul rip.

b) Blast some country music to yeehaw it away

c) Bottomless mimosas and getting lost in Chicago at 1pm

d) A Cupitol brunch, as long as your phone eats first!  

Now that you’ve gotten over the hangover, let’s talk post-grad plans:

a) Consulting at your dad’s company (but  you’ll pretend you got it yourself.)

b) You’re literally 15 years old. You’re not  even in college yet.

c) Full-time influencer. You’ll go wherever the followers take you.

d) PR at a major New York firm, obvi.


Mostly A’s: Juul • Mostly B’s: Tik Tok • Mostly C’s: Sugar Bear Hair Vitamins • Mostly D’s: Bumble